I clean up after death for a living. And one thing I've learned: the physical scene can be fully restored in days. The emotional scene takes much longer. I've watched families fall apart — not from the event itself, but from not getting help afterward.
This guide isn't about the cleanup. It's about you.
Grief After Traumatic Death Is Different
Losing someone to a sudden, violent, or unexpected death — homicide, suicide, accident, unattended death — is fundamentally different from losing someone to a long illness. The grief is complicated by:
- Shock and disbelief — your brain literally cannot process it. This can last weeks
- Traumatic imagery — if you discovered the body or witnessed the event, those images don't just fade
- Unanswered questions — "Why?" "Could I have prevented it?" "What happened in their final moments?"
- Loss of safety — sudden death shatters the assumption that the world is predictable and safe
- Complicated grief — grief that doesn't follow the "normal" path and gets stuck or intensifies over time
- PTSD symptoms — flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, avoidance of reminders
Types of Professional Help
Grief Counseling
Focused specifically on processing loss. Helps you understand grief reactions, develop coping strategies, and find a path forward. Best for grief without significant trauma symptoms.
Trauma Therapy
If you witnessed the death, discovered the body, or are experiencing flashbacks/nightmares, you may need trauma-specific therapy before grief counseling can be effective.
- EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) — processes traumatic memories so they no longer trigger intense emotional responses. Typically 6–12 sessions. Highly effective for trauma from witnessing death scenes
- CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy) — helps you examine and change unhelpful beliefs about the trauma. 12 sessions, structured format
- Prolonged Exposure Therapy — gradually confronts trauma-related memories and situations you've been avoiding. 8–15 sessions
Support Groups
- Compassionate Friends — for parents who've lost a child. Chapters nationwide. Free. compassionatefriends.org
- AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) — support groups for suicide loss survivors. afsp.org
- Parents of Murdered Children (POMC) — pomc.org
- GriefShare — faith-based grief recovery groups in thousands of locations. griefshare.org
- TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) — for military loss. taps.org
Online Therapy
If you can't or don't want to leave home:
- BetterHelp — $65–$100/week, unlimited messaging + weekly sessions
- Online-Therapy.com — CBT-based, $40–$88/week with worksheets and tools
- Talkspace — $69–$109/week, accepts some insurance
How to Find a Grief Counselor
- Psychology Today directory — filter by "grief" and "trauma" specialization, insurance accepted, location. Search here
- EMDR International Association — find EMDR-trained therapists. emdria.org
- Your insurance company — call the number on your insurance card and ask for in-network grief/trauma therapists
- Your primary care doctor — can provide referrals and may prescribe short-term medication for acute symptoms (insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks)
- Victim advocacy organizations — if the death was a crime, victim advocates can connect you with free counseling
What to Look For
- Licensed mental health professional (LCSW, LPC, LMFT, PhD/PsyD)
- Specific experience with sudden/traumatic death (ask directly)
- Trauma training (EMDR, CPT, or Somatic Experiencing) if you have trauma symptoms
- Someone you feel comfortable with — it's OK to try a session and switch therapists
Costs and Coverage
| Option | Cost | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| In-network therapist with insurance | $20–$50/session copay | Best value. Check coverage limits |
| Out-of-network therapist | $100–$250/session | Submit for out-of-network reimbursement |
| Sliding scale therapist | $30–$80/session | Ask if they offer reduced rates based on income |
| Open Path Collective | $30–$80/session | Directory of affordable therapists. openpathcollective.org |
| Online therapy platforms | $40–$110/week | Unlimited messaging + weekly sessions |
| Support groups | Free | Peer-led, widely available |
| Crisis hotlines | Free | 24/7 immediate support |
If cost is a barrier: Most victim compensation programs (state-funded) cover counseling for survivors of violent crime and their families. See our victim compensation guide.
Free and Immediate Resources
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988. 24/7
- Crisis Text Line — text HOME to 741741. 24/7
- SAMHSA Helpline — 1-800-662-4357. Free referrals 24/7
- Victim Connect — 1-855-4-VICTIM (855-484-2846). For crime victims
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) — 1-800-950-NAMI. Information and support
When to Seek Help Immediately
Grief is not a mental illness — it's a normal response to loss. But seek immediate help if you're experiencing:
- Thoughts of harming yourself or others
- Inability to eat, sleep, or function for more than 2 weeks
- Increasing use of alcohol or drugs to cope
- Vivid flashbacks or nightmares that aren't decreasing
- Complete emotional numbness (feeling nothing at all)
- Panic attacks or debilitating anxiety
For Children
Children grieve differently than adults. See our dedicated guide: Talking to Children About Traumatic Death. Key points:
- Children need age-appropriate honesty, not protection from the truth
- Play therapy is often more effective than talk therapy for children under 12
- School counselors can be a first line of support
- Changes in behavior, sleep, or school performance are grief signals in children
You're reading this because something terrible happened. That takes strength. Getting help isn't weakness — it's what gets you to the other side of this. Call 988 if you need to talk right now, or find a vetted professional in our directory.